Sunday, March 29, 2009

Five hours

11/10/01

Tiredness hit me not
Suddenly, but slowly &
Persistently like the
Wearing down of wood by Water.

My eyes first closed at 4pm but
I didn't fall asleep until 9.

Five hours waiting in an airport
Trying to stay awake,
Fighting the clutches of Morpheus.

Dreams came fast
And frequently
Distorted by the twisted
Events of the day, and
The 5 hours of struggling
To stay awake.

Turning & sweating in
An unfriendly bed in a
Hotel in a foreign metropolis.

I awoke at 4am
Scared & exhausted
By the nightmares
That reflected the truth
In their terrifying way.

And found myself
In my own bed at home
The day before I left.

These premonitions of
A terrible trip & that five
Hour wait made me
Cancel my flight & my
Meeting.

The News at 10 on the
Day of my cancelled trip
Reported the crash of my
Flight at 9pm, the
9pm when I fell asleep.

Only now I wouldn't
Fall asleep at 9pm
For ever, as my
Dreams had saved me
From that flight.

Now it is 9pm on the
Day after my flight & I'm
Afraid to go to sleep.
But a voice tells me it's safe.

Then I awake with a start
Dripping in sweat &
It's only 6pm.
I have some tea & a
Sandwich then
Retire at 9pm
Feeling safe.

And had a fantastic
Night's sleep.

Did this really happen
Or did I dream it?

Found texts from the past

Today I found an old notebook of mine from 2001, full of poems, notes, queries, worries and disjointed scribblings.

11/10/01

A leaf falls as a
Person cries,

For the dying season
For the closing year.

The tears fall on the
Fallen leaves,

That shudder for an instant
With the promise of lie,

Then wilt & die when
The tears have dried,

Tears for the dying season
Tears for the closing year.

The passing and ageing
Of another twelve-month,

And like the fallen
Dying leaf,

The person falls & dies
In his ageing grief.

Doesn't time fly?

Doesn't time fly? I can't believe that it's been four months now since I last wrote here, and my life anyway is much the same.

The huge change of course in the last few months for many people has been the phenomenal explosion in the use of Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Youtube, Bebo and dozens of other social cyber-networks.
One of the knock-on negative effects, in my opinion, has been a decline, rather than an increase, in the writing of daily blogs, at least on the blogs I read anyway.

Some learned type somewhere on the other side of The Pond recently presented the theory, a theory that I agree with, that social cyber-networks ultimately make people lonlier, despite the huge number of cyber friends that people seem to have. And presumably also because the people who were lonely in the first place got into social networking in what we now know was a false hope of making friends in cyberspace that would hopefully become friends in real ife.

But instead of finding real friends they find themselves sitting in front of a computer screen on their own at home every evening waiting for people to respond to their input on any number of social networks and discussion forums, rather than going out and meeting real people.

To me that's a sad, tragic development in the use of the internet.

Now, I'm not sad and lonely but I do know that I spend far too much time on Facebook, both at home and at work, both during the week and at weekends; and my very limited blogging since November has been due to my increased use of Facebook.

During tea-breaks and lunch-breaks at work the topic of discussion is invariably about the actual phenomenon of social cyber-networking, of what's happening to Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Youtube etc. The general usual daily chat of a staff room of years, decades and centuries past now seems to be redundant, because so much of people's everyday lives is now listed, written about and discussed on Facebook, Bebo, Twitter, Myspace etc.

In one small rebellious way of my own I'm in the process of removing all the "friends" from my Facebook list of "friends" that are colleagues I actually work with or see on a daily basis.

Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? I wonder if it flies just as fast when you're sad and lonely at home on your own in front of a computer screen and trying to make friends on the internet.

Probably not.